Keeping your writing momentum ...

Hi... it is quite sometimes that I have not updated this blog. I need to force myself to write in this blog in order to improve myself. Sounds wierd??... yeah perhaps!. But it is true. This blog is written in English ... i mean this could help me maintain my momentum in writing. I am writing my PhD thesis right now and the most difficult part is.... oppppppssss.. the part that I am writing right now is literature review chapter. I should use law of attraction! Change to positive statement.... I like writing very much. I learn from basic. Now I can understand the different between writing a manuscript and a thesis. That is the power of gratitude...always thankful for what you have.

So who have same problem as me..let us share the momentum together. Encourage each other to write everyday.

Transform all the negative events to positive value

When I first heard about this, I was like grumbling to myself, how can!!! Slowly I learn and in reality all these need practice. If you are "programmed" to be negative since young I would say it is very difficult to be positive. However, if you train yourself or perhaps force yourself to find " what do I learn from this event?" or "how should I make it seen positive? you will definitely find it.

One thing that I think is very important is people surrounding you, when you want to be positive BUT the people around you are negative, you will be easily pulled to be negative again. So, if you have decided to be positive, be assertive with your thinking and move yourself from the negative aura!!!

Try it... you will see the beauty of being positive all the time.

Recharge your positive aura when you are "down"

I was quite down few weeks ago... kids not well and anticipating many exams for my students on top of my regular writing assignment. I admitted I got easily irritable, but tried hard to confine it within myself. It is difficult to be positive all the time... don't you think so?

I analysed myself, I need to recharge myself with positive aura, looking back to myself and analysed what were the contributing factors yet I was still feeling down and mentally tired. I finally forced myself to read some of the motivation books that had pushed my mood up ... yeay... it works... particularly about the subconcious mind, getting back to Allah as the creator who plan everything for us with His love... Thank you Allah. .. thank you Allah.

Today I went to work as a new "me'... motivated, positive and happier. lesson learned today... recharge yourself once you feel down, transform all the negative energy to the positive one, you will for sure become more positive.. in sha Allah

Self-Esteem: Six Practices By Justin Amoroso

High self-esteem attracts women. Because it means strength. Women find men who are survivors and protectors attractive. Okay, fine. Well, how do you up your self-esteem?

Let's ask Nathaniel Branden. He's the guy who invented the term, in his book "Six Pillars of Self-Esteem."

For him, it's not about "feeling good." Like Stuart Smalley saying "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me." Not even close.

It's about NOT thirsting after outer esteem. You know, fame, power, glory, money, the hottest car, compliments, accolades, awards, even women.

It's about working on your inner-game so you're esteemed from within. In the process, you get something like a strong immune system. You get psychologically sick less often. And if you do, you bounce back faster.

So, again, HOW do you strengthen your inner-game?

Branden offers six PRACTICES. Not meant to be done once. But to be done over and over again for the rest of your life. Like brushing your teeth. Do these six practices every day and you'll strengthen your inner-game.

Here they are:

1. Living Consciously.
Imagine walking around into a room with no lights. You bump around. Then you turn on the lights. You can see what you're doing, so you bump around less. Living consciously is like turning the lights on. Becoming more aware.

2. Self-Acceptance.
Don't ignore your imperfections. And don't ignore your strengths. Acknowledge them. Be honest with yourself. Know yourself. How can you leave a place if you don't you know where you are?

3. Responsibility.
Before blaming, look to yourself first. It always takes two to tango. Before name-calling and blaming, see what you yourself can do better first.

4. Assertiveness.
Stand up for yourself. And for what's right. Assert your wants. And be able to say no. Even if you get ostracized. Even if you get condemned. Even if you get made fun of. Even if a person doesn't like it.

5. Living Purposefully.
Have goals. Don't be a passive consumer. Have five-year goals, one-year goals, and break those down into monthly, weekly, daily goals. Don't just have goals, but create an action plan. Don't just have an action plan, but execute it. Don't just execute it, but evaluate your results. This gives your life direction.

6. Integrity.
Align what you think, say, and do. If you say you're going to do something, do it. If you have a belief, don't just preach it, do it. Have what's on the inside be what's on the outside, too.

With that said, which practice is your strongest, and which is your weakest?

To strengthen a practice Branden suggests this exercise. Ask yourself: "If I could bring 5% more <pick a practice> into my life, then I would <an improved action>... "

For example, "If I could bring 5% more <assertiveness> into my life, then <next time I talk to friends about a movie I like, even if they don't like the movie, I won't deny I like it, but I'll say I like it. Even if they make fun of me.>"

The great thing about this exercise is it doesn't say "Be more assertive!" It asks what small step can you do TODAY.

The other great thing is a psychologist isn't telling you what to do. The answer is coming from you. That's where change comes from. When the insight comes from within.

So, how can you bring 5% more of ALL these practices into your life? Practice improving these six every day and you'll get that kind of ironman inner-game that women find irresistible.

Even better, you'll get an ironman inner-game.

I've got more stuff at my website http://www.whetyourwoman.com. Check it out!

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Develop Your Self Esteem By Malek Moqaddam

What is Self Esteem?

Self-esteem is the combination of: self-worth, self-regard, self-respect, and self-integrity. It is a psychological concept used to describe how an individual feels about him/herself. High self-esteem indicates a high worth placed on the self while low self-esteem indicates the opposite.

Abraham Maslow believes that psychological health is based on the core, and it is only possible whenever the essential core of the person is fundamentally accepted, loved and respected by others and by her or his self. According to Jack Canfield: "Self-esteem is based on feeling capable and feeling lovable".

Self-esteem and self-image are interrelated. The term self-image is used to describe a person's mental picture of himself. Self-image leads to self-esteem. During early childhood, we develop mental images of ourselves: who we are, what we are good at, how we look, and what are our strengths and weakness could be. Our experiences and our interactions with other people will make these mental images stronger inside us. Over time these mental self-images will develop our notion of self-esteem. Self-esteem is about feelings that we develop inside ourselves as a result of outside factors. Self-esteem is about how much we feel accepted, loved and valued by others and how much we accept, love and value ourselves. It is the combination of those two factors that shape our self-esteem.

Typically, self-esteem is defined in terms of how we evaluate ourselves and our characteristics. According to Stanley Coppersmith, a pioneering researcher in the field, it is "personal judgment of worthiness that is expressed in the attitudes the individual holds toward himself."

Good self-esteem means that we have enough self-confidence to not need the approval of others.

How it is Developed?

Thoughts, relationships and experiences create your self-esteem. Self-esteem begins to form as early as childhood, and factors that influence it include the likes of one's own thoughts and perceptions, how other people react, experiences at school, work and the community, disability, illness, injury, culture, religion, and even one's role and status in society. Low self-esteem is developed when the person doesn't see himself as having the qualities he admires. Unfortunately, persons with low self-esteem usually do have the qualities they admire but they can't see it because they programmed their self-image that way. Dr. Michael Miller, editor in chief of the Harvard Mental Health Letter, says, "It's more likely that self-esteem will come as a result of accurate self-understanding, appreciation of one's genuine skills, and the satisfaction of helping others." People close to you like: parents, siblings, peers, friends, teachers and other contacts and your interaction with those people, will have a big impact on your self-esteem. Self-esteem is established in your early childhood, and it matures during late adolescence. Whenever the person stabilizes their sense of being in control of their own destiny, they begin to formulate self-esteem. Family relationship plays a major role in determining our self-esteem. It is how we are treated by others that teach us whether we are important. The feeling of being cared for or worthwhile will shape our level of self-esteem. This is linked to receiving approval from others. Yet based on early life experiences and their social roles, women often seek approval more than men. By age 16, more girls than boys begin to report low self-esteem. According to Dove Research: The Real Truth about Beauty: 7 in 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way including their looks, performance in school and relationships.

How Important is Self Esteem?

According to Brian Tracy: "Your self-esteem is probably the most important part of your personality. It precedes and predicts your performance in almost everything you do. Your level of self-esteem is really your level of mental fitness. To perform at your best and to feel terrific about yourself, you should be in a perpetual state of self-esteem."

Self-esteem is important for people as it gives them more confidence to face life. Self-esteem will enable the person to have more optimism and have more momentum to reach their goals. Persons with low self-esteem usually feel inferior and may not perform well under different circumstances. They developed false thoughts that no one will accept them or like them. On the other hand, people with healthy self-esteem can feel good about their environment and then about themselves. They can do things more efficiently and by doing so; they can feel proud of their accomplishments and about themselves.

Feeling good bout ourselves will enable us to enjoy life more and more. Feeling that we are accepted, liked and loved, means we have healthy self-esteem, and this feeling will be reflected in our relationships.

One of the major causes of broken relationships is low self-esteem.

Developing self-esteem enables us to invite happiness in our lives. It is this feeling that makes you believe that you deserve happiness. It is very important to understand this belief, the belief that you really deserve to be happy and fulfilled, because with this belief you can treat people with respect, and goodwill, thus favoring rich interpersonal relationships and avoiding destructive ones. Possessing little self-regard can lead people to become depressed, to fall short of their potential, or to tolerate abusive situations and relationships. Many studies show that low self-esteem leads to stress, depression and anxiety. Research indicates a positive relationship between healthy self-esteem and many positive results, including happiness, humility, resilience and optimism. Self-esteem plays a role in almost everything you do.

World Health Organization recommends in "Preventing Suicide" published in 2000, that strengthening students' self-esteem is important to protect children and adolescents against mental distress and despondency, enabling them to cope adequately with difficult and stressful life situations. In the book: Alcoholism: A False Stigma: Low Self-Esteem the True Disease, (1996) Candito reports: "Those who have identified themselves as "recovered alcoholics" indicate that low self esteem is the most significant problem in their lives. Low self-esteem is the true problem and the true disease. Alcohol is but a symptom of an alcoholic's disease". According to Glenn R. Schiraldi, who is Ph.D., author of The Self-Esteem Workbook and a professor at the University Of Maryland School Of Public Health:"Those with good self-esteem are able to realistically and honestly evaluate their strengths, weaknesses and potential." According to Madelyn Swift, our emotional health depends on our self esteem. Liking ourselves and feeling capable are the foundations on which emotional health rests.

A healthy self-esteem enables you to accept yourself and appreciate life, as it is supposed to be.

Can You Develop a Healthy Self Esteem?

The truth is, self esteem is hardly stable. A study published by the American Psychological Association, reported that self esteem is lowest among young adults but increases throughout adulthood and peaks at age 60, just before starting to decline again. The study's researchers measured the self-esteem of 3,617 U.S. adults. On average, women had lower self-esteem than men did throughout most of adulthood, but self-esteem levels converged as men and women reached their 80s and 90s. Blacks and whites had similar self-esteem levels throughout young adulthood and middle age. The study's lead author, Ulrich Orth, PhD, said: "Self-esteem is related to better health, less criminal behavior, lower levels of depression and, overall, greater success in life. Therefore, it's important to learn more about how the average person's self-esteem changes over time."

The biggest source of self-esteem is your thoughts, and these thoughts are within your control. Focusing on your mistakes and weaknesses will develop low self-esteem. You can reverse this type of thinking by focusing instead on your positive points and characteristics.

According to Denis Waitley: "To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives".

There are many self-help tools to lift your self esteem. They all start at your way of thinking. As Eleanor Roosevelt said it: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

Many tools and tips for developing self esteem are found in http://www.coolaura.com

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Reacting to Anger - How Well Is Your Child Doing? By Robert William Locke

How do we deal with anger as adults? Surely, we are mature enough to avoid a violent verbal or physical reaction? Well, not always and we too have problems in self control. Then there is also the problem of carrying anger issues around as baggage for many years. One of the great sayings of Buddha was: 'holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die'.

A child can react to anger issues in many different ways. This depends not only on his or her character but also on the situation they find themselves in. They may be afraid of the person who has caused the angry reaction. Before you can judge about how well your child is doing, let us look at some of the key features of anger management.

Anger will be shown in many different ways
There are many manifestations of anger:-

• sulking
• physically hitting possessions or furniture
• excluding the person responsible for causing the row
• adopting avoidance strategies
• talking about the problem to a parent or teacher
• refusing to mention the problem and harbour anger and fear.

Teaching children how to deal with anger.
First, teachers and parents have to remember that children will need several reminders that aggression is inappropriate. This will happen a few times and it may be necessary to repeat the warning or activity to drive the point home.

Secondly, talking about such a strong emotion as anger will depend very much on how the child has been taught to express feelings verbally. There are some families where this never or rarely happens. This will determine the success or failure of trying to help the child to talk about how he or she feels when angry.
Thirdly, parents and teachers need to provide models where they clearly demonstrate or talk about their ways of coping with anger and frustration. Children will copy role models. If there is aggression and verbal abuse on the part of the parents, it will be difficult to teach gentler and calmer ways of controlling this strong emotion.

Using stories to help children deal with anger
Telling stories or asking children to read stories about children or animals in angry situations can be very effective. We need to check that these books teach a responsible attitude towards anger and that aggression and violence are labelled as taboo.

Look out for books written about animals in amusing situations where they have to learn to control their feelings when taunted, teased and provoked by some of their fellow animals in the jungle. Younger children can easily relate to these scenarios.

So, how well is your child doing? Bear in mind the above points and try to encourage your child to express his feelings verbally so that aggression will never be an option. Stories are one of the most effective ways of doing this.

Are you interested in reading a story for children with anger issues? Check out my blog, Problem Kids Blog for more details. Robert Locke has written on parenting and mental health issues for many years.

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How to Deal With Stress and Anger By Janet Wolfe

When you're trying to figure out how to deal with stress and anger, it can feel like you're doing battle on two fronts. You get stressed because you're angry, and the anger makes you more stressed. But like many other stress related issues, it is easier and more effective to deal with one problem at a time. The first problem to pick? I'd go with the anger.

The term stress is a relatively modern invention. But the words for anger are as old as time. "Cain rose up in anger," it says in Genesis. And from the very beginnings of humanity, anger has shown it cuts both ways. The ancient Chinese said, "The fire you kindle for your enemy often burns you more than him." We call that burning stress.

What causes anger? One common way of looking at it considers anger a result of disappointed expectations... expectations arising from our egos. "You" didn't fulfill your obligation to "me," or let me down, or hurt me, or offended me, or failed to notice me, or short changed me, or cut me off in traffic, or said or did a myriad of possible things, and now "I" am angry at "you."

The doubly annoying thing about anger, is that "you", the victim of my anger in this scenario, may be totally unaware of my anger, or if you learn about it you may slough it off because I must either be really touchy, a hot head, or a nut. Or you may not even care. I, on the other hand, may still be seething weeks after whatever slight you did, my head hurts, my stomach is on fire, and my heart pounds if I know I have to see you again. And I am probably doubly offended if you failed to feel remorse.

How do we short circuit the stress and anger? At its source. Let's reverse our story and say that you are the angry one. That makes you the source. Now you may think that the situation is caused by whoever did the thing that made you angry, but the anger is your reaction, and yours alone. Their action may have been hurtful, stupid, or careless, or it may have nothing to do with you at all. They act, or fail to act, and they're done. Until you react in anger, and things start up again.

If you retaliate in your anger, and allow your anger to turn into violence, you start a whole new cycle, which can last through time. All you have to do is look around the world to see people suffering from severe stress and hardship, from some violent cycle of anger from a thousand years before.
Anger can also come from fear or grief. If you've ever been furious at your child for some reckless behavior, your anger is how you demonstrate your heightened fear. You're mad because seeing him in danger just scares you to death.

The death of a spouse or loved one brings a special anger from feelings of abandonment, which are a natural part of grief. Both these kinds of anger stem from your fear of loss, and the pain that it would bring you. This kind of stress you feel can make you feel numb, but it eventually passes.

How to deal with stress and anger? Whatever the cause, get the anger out. Running, pounding a punching bag, or a hitting your sofa with a Nerf bat all work to get adrenaline out of your system. Then you immediately need to breathe deeply and use relaxation techniques to calm yourself down.

While it isn't good to "bottle up" anger, ranting and yelling only escalates hard feelings. Find some non-violent way to release your pain, then you can address the problem calmly at a more appropriate time.

Make a conscious decision to fail to react. Anger may feel like an auto response, but you can train yourself not to respond that way. If you have unmet expectations, stop expecting what will never happen. A lot of anger in relationships comes when our partners fail to meet our expectations, and we are unable to accept them as they are.

This may take a lot of practice, so give yourself a chance to start small. And yet, don't be surprised if you find you can make a change in a flash, and people that make you angry change right along with you.
Practice, practice, practice. Great pianists never stop doing scales. Practicing meditation and forgiveness, throughout your life, will save you from a great deal of stress and anger in your future. Today is a great day to start.

Do you have an anger issue you would like to share? Please let us know in the comments. We love hearing from you. And please share with your social media friends. We could all use a little less anger in the world.

For more tips and great information on how to deal with stress, check out ClearYourStress.com. You'll also find many guided exercises and meditation methods to relieve stress, connect with your inner wisdom, and enjoy a balanced lifestyle. Visit ClearYourStress.com now to get started.

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